Is there a phenomenon or some psycholgical theory as to why, especially why, when someone feels ultimate high , happiness , near content that suddenly it will be replaced with the lowest low, near emptiness ,just hollow and hurt. The nearest thing I can relate this to is like having a hangover or recovering from the munchies. I hate this

In all my eighteen years of life this year has been the most taxing. But the irony is that this year is the year I'm closest to my family, my studies are alright ,my health's alright and I've grown a centimeter taller. It's always internal and I hate emotions and feelings. This year's the year I cried least too, I have finally detached myself from crying as a form of outlet. So cutting's out, anorexia is out, menthol is out, daily panadol is out, crying is out. I have cultivated the knowledge on why harming one's self feels like escapism and have detached myself from it. But maybe I'm gonna work on the crying or maybe just writing or baking or something, it harms the people around me least.

I really need someone to hear me out. I know I've got Kathleen Gayathri Loretta Taralyn Lisa and you girls are the greatest girls but I always feel like a burden if I pour out what I felt, almost embarrassing it's just how I roll. Writing's a chore and typing's much easier, and it feels nice to know that at least someone is reading this (whilst you may choose to cuss or sympathise..if i were I'd feel like pointing a middle finger to this)

I am learning the art of detaching myself from the current situation. Learning that you've only got yourself to love and you've only got yourself to cheer you up , to make you angry , to make love to you , to console you , to slap and hurt you , to talk to you. I am learning the ways of schizophrenia, sort of like a self-imposed hysteria. Fuck why'd I have to read Ariel, and not like some literature from the 1800s

I feel so alone brejksdfhnsmf,asdbfjdnf,sfd